When life throws us into moments of discomfort, pain, or overwhelming emotion, it can feel as though we’re being pulled away from the grounded, mindful presence we strive for. It’s during these moments that we have an opportunity to practice staying with ourselves, holding space for our emotions, and using strategies that bring us back into balance. One powerful tool to help us do this is the ACCEPTS skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It’s a practical approach to finding relief when we feel most vulnerable, while also staying aligned with our values and mindful awareness.
A: Activities
When we’re struggling, our minds can get stuck in a loop, replaying the problem over and over again. One way to interrupt this cycle is through intentional activities that engage your attention in something constructive. Activities serve as a pause button for distress, giving your nervous system time to reset.
How to use it: Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, choose an activity that is meaningful or joyful to you. It could be something as simple as going for a walk, gardening, or cooking a nourishing meal. By shifting your focus, you’re allowing yourself to step out of the emotional spiral and reenter the present moment.
C: Contributing
When we connect with others through acts of kindness, we shift from a place of isolation to a place of interconnectedness. Contributing is about stepping outside of your own distress and offering something to someone else. Research shows that engaging in acts of service not only helps others but also promotes well-being within ourselves.
How to use it: If you’re feeling stuck in your own pain, consider a small act of kindness—call a friend to check in, help a neighbor, or donate your time to a cause you care about. You’ll find that by giving, you receive the gift of connection and purpose in return.
C: Comparisons
While we often think of comparisons as unhelpful, there’s a mindful way to use them to regain perspective. Instead of comparing yourself to others in a judgmental way, use comparison as a tool to recognize your own growth or to remind yourself of times when you’ve overcome challenges.
How to use it: Reflect on moments in your past where you’ve navigated difficulty and emerged stronger. Or consider how your current situation compares to someone facing even greater challenges. This kind of compassionate comparison helps cultivate gratitude and a broader perspective, allowing you to soften your emotional response.
E: Emotions
We often get caught in the grip of one emotion, like sadness or frustration. However, by intentionally inviting in other emotions, we can create space for emotional flexibility. For example, laughter or joy can be a counterbalance to sadness, and calm can soothe anxiety.
How to use it: The next time you feel stuck in an emotional state, gently invite in a new one. You might watch a funny video, listen to uplifting music, or connect with someone who brings levity to your day. This is a reminder that emotions, like waves, come and go, and we can shift the tide by choosing to engage with different feelings.
P: Pushing Away
Sometimes, our minds need a break. This doesn’t mean suppressing or avoiding the problem indefinitely, but rather giving yourself permission to temporarily set it aside. It’s a mindful way of creating distance to allow for more clarity and calm when you return to it.
How to use it: Visualize putting the problem in a box or on a shelf for now. You can come back to it when you’re ready. During this time, focus on activities that nourish you, whether that’s practicing yoga, taking deep breaths, or simply resting. You’ll return to the issue with a clearer, more grounded perspective.
T: Thoughts
Our thoughts are powerful drivers of emotion. When we’re in distress, our minds can spiral into catastrophizing or self-criticism. By gently redirecting your thoughts, you can change the emotional experience.
How to use it: Engage in a mindful thought practice by shifting your attention to something neutral or soothing. This could be counting, repeating a calming phrase, or even listing the things in your environment. By doing so, you create a pause between the thought and the emotional reaction, allowing space for calm.
S: Sensations
Grounding yourself in physical sensations can bring you back into your body and out of the whirlwind of emotion. Sensory experiences like touch, taste, sound, and temperature have a calming effect on the nervous system, helping you stay present.
How to use it: When you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, try engaging your senses. Hold an ice cube, light a candle with a favorite scent, or wrap yourself in a soft blanket. These small acts help you reconnect with your body, anchoring you in the present moment.
ACCEPTS is a skill set that teaches us how to navigate life’s emotional storms with more ease and grace. It reminds us that we don’t need to push away discomfort or fix every difficult situation immediately. Instead, we can meet ourselves with compassion, give ourselves space to breathe, and choose actions that align with our values and well-being.
Incorporating these strategies into your life is not about perfecting them, but about practicing them in moments of need. Each time you use ACCEPTS, you’re building emotional resilience and reinforcing your capacity to live mindfully, even in the face of distress.
And with that practice comes a greater sense of freedom—the freedom to respond to life’s challenges in ways that nurture both your heart and mind.
Remember, this isn’t about avoiding life’s hardships, but learning how to meet them with awareness, compassion, and skill. ACCEPTS is your reminder that even in moments of distress, you have the tools to stay grounded and resilient.
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